The Choices We Make & The Others Who Make You Feel Bad About Them

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So I have this friend…

She’s having a rough go of it.  It’s stressing her out more than anyone really knows. There are days she’s in tears because the words ” we support you and trust you” never actually play out in real life.  It’s never enough.

While trying to exert her independence in a new city( on a small budget), she tells herself…”Make your own way.  You may need to sacrifice, but you’re doing it.”

Her family says , “go out and be independent. We will support and trust you.” They also adversely say moments later,  ” why would you choose that/go there/do that.”  Guilt is thrown around.  When someone tells her ” I cant sleep because of this choice” , she doesn’t know to think anymore.  She begins to doubt her own choices. What is this friend suppose to do? They know she’s trying to make her own way, Why can’t they just let her do that?  It sometimes seems easier to just agree to the other party so they stop throwing the guilt around.  Yet on the other end, she just wants them to be quiet and let her make the choice with out an objection.  She felt great about her choice before, but doubts have set in because of the disapproval.

The area surrounding this complex isn’t fabulous by any means.  It’s working class.  She may be a minority in the area.  It’s not a complex you’d brag about living in to the Housewives of ( insert city here )or even the middle class in the area.  But you know what, she did it herself ( and its gated.) She didn’t need anyone’s money to help her get in.  She didn’t need anyone’s assistance to get in. It was her. That makes her feel proud of herself.  On top of that, it’s only one year.  It will be over before everyone knows it and she can move on to something better.    Something ghetto here, is completely un-comparable to where she originally came from.  If they want to see a problem area, head over to where she was born. 

Her parents gave her an option of a Co-sign.  The thought of a co-signer sickens her, she can do it alone.  Facing the fact that someone would have to financially back her to get an apartment right now is not an option she wants. There are times she’d rather sacrifice a bit , then to have money from others so they can control the choices she makes.  You can call it stubborn or  immature but maybe she just doesn’t want to be controlled. To be honest, the next apartment wouldn’t be appreciated much because she did nothing to earn it.  All this the excitement would be lost. 

So at the end of this entry, I wonder would someone rather get something because of they earned it and did it them self or feel like they got something because a third party assisted in a huge way? Sometimes, we just want to get something because we did it on our own.  The strings attached cause too much stress, even if it comes from a good place.  

 

 

 

 

 

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